“You Don’t Know Me”

โ€‹Your life started out normal enough, but as you grew older… I became more ill. I kept these things from you, from everyone, because I knew nothing of what I was experiencing, and refused to seem weak, as that’s how complaining would indeed make me feel. So, as I continued to hide beneath the smile; my shield from the world, you saw nothing wrong with me physically… and mentally, you simply thought I didn’t care. You should have seen that I’ve always loved you! 

Only how could you, 

since, 

you dont know me

Behind that smile, was pain, depression, and suffering; the kind one wouldn’t want to admit to others. Especially, to those that had not meant me well. So, I stayed steadfast and true, to what I thought, was the right thing I should do. By staying mute and appearing normal, at all costs. Only that cost was high… it had became you

And now, 

you dont know me

It took, and still takes, every bit of strength I’ve possessed, to stay present and literally alive, for you, as well as for those that actually show they care for me. I want our relationship to connect more securely, to communicate more truely, and to love more dearly… But, you’ve only heard negative words describing me, the majority of your life. It’s no wonder our relationship suffers, and I know, I am in part to blame, as I stayed hidden beneath that smile, while others disparaged me through and through. 

So, 

you dont know me

Your words have cut me like a knife, and you continue to use them; knowing that they have. Now I’ve come to expect them, sadly, and so they hurt much less… in fact, not at all on most occasions. I’m slowly closing my heart off from those feelings, and that may leave me cold one day. Of this I’m sure. And worry that it may happen more quickly, than even I could expect. If you only knew how close you’ve come, to making me give up on life… my life

But, 

once again, 

you dont know me

I will never again, be shocked by anything that comes my way. I’ve tried to apologize, empathize, and to help you realize; that I’ve been ill nearly my entire life. How I did the best that I could. That I thought I was protecting you both. Most of all, that I NEVER stopped loving you! You have been more cruel to me, than I could ever have deserved. And I don’t understand how you can’t see it, even feel it? Nor how you are so oblivious to the fact, that you’re only repeating what you’ve heard

Simply because, 

you dont know me

So this is my last request, in hopes that you will actually give us a chance. Because who I am, and the pain and suffering I’ve endured, came from a man, whom not only took my childhood innocence, but is also the cause of my illnesses… Fibromyalgia, depression, PTSD, anxiety, and more; because of my tender age at that time, I was literally scarred for life. If you could only see that, then we could begin to heal. So we may then listen to each other; through understanding and compassion, instead of defensiveness and accusations. But, if you simply choose to think I wanted to be this way, that I’m a bad person, and that life’s just been a “fairytale” for me… you’ll be sadly mistaken, and will have missed out on all of my love that I had for you. And then, when someone asks you, “What was she like?” What will you have to say? 
Nothing…

You’re too late…

You didnt care enough

to know me.

MJ



*This illness has cost me what I love most! You are not alone! Love you all ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’‹ MJ
FWmnn FB link:  https://www.facebook.com/FIBROWarriorMNN/

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Author: FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal

I'm MJ the purple haired FIBRO WARRIOR! I am a Podcast Host, Facebook Admin, Blogger and Vlogger for 'FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal' My crew and I are here to help spread Fibromyalgia Awareness. I have had Fibromyalgia since I was a teenager, if not earlier, so I have a lot to share and say on the subject. Pleases join me in this journey, by reading my blog or watching/listening to our podcast/vlog, which can be found on our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/FIBROWarriorMNN/ You are not alone! Love you all๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’‹

2 thoughts on ““You Don’t Know Me””

  1. Whoa… pretty passionate post for consumption. This took guts. Hopefully this ‘child’ will care enough to get to know you as only an “adult” can do. Responsibility comes with being an adult, it is part of adulthood. Unfortunately, not all adults have the common sense nor maturity to be responsible. ~K.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I did have some trepidation about posting this one, as well as sharing and duscussing it on last Friday’s podcast. But, I looked at it as something that may help someone else who needs to hear this, if not my own two sons. They are adults 23 (24 in Sept) and 25 (26 in Dec). I had to search for and drag things/info out of my parents (mom and step dad, real dad not in the picture at all) to begin to heal, so I hope that my children will eventually “hear” me and I them, and we can then heal together. Thank you Kim, for your thoughts and suppprt. Love ya ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’‹MJ

    Like

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