My Darkness…



Despite the title, this actually has a positive message.

I’ve struggled with depression almost my entire life. I’ve had to work so hard to stay in the sunlight, and avoid the darkness, at all costs…

I am one of those unfortunate people that cannot take antidepressants, because they actually make me suicidal instead. I’ve hidden my depression from most everyone throughout my life, not wanting to hear the negative comments, I’ve so often heard people say about others. Depression has always had a stigma attached to it, so who would wan’t to reveal something that damaging. Having pain on top of that since my early teens, hasn’t made my road easy, by any means. I only recently (past 3-4yrs) have been able to be open about my depression/Fibro, as well as my  multitude of other health issues. Its been a long, lonely road… and because I know how truly awful it is to feel so alone, I go out of my way to try and help others to feel more loved and understood. It’s not an easy task to be any one of us here, and to walk in our shoes, of this I am certain. I’m very sensitive on occasions, and could cry for the simplest of reasons, yet there’s other times when I know I should be crying, only I feel nothing, just emptiness. It’s such a roller-coaster of emotions! 

Today was actually a very tough day for me… but my determination to stay here on this earth for my loved ones keeps me going. That darkness follows me everywhere, just waiting to take over, but not today! I have really amazing things I’m trying to accomplish now, by helping others. That’s extremely important to me, so much so, that I’m pushing myself harder than ever. 

Here is a link to one of our podcasts, where I touch on depression, as well as other things that are connected to Fibromyalgia.

https://soundcloud.com/user-836634847/fibrowarrior-episode3-our-existence-with-guest-diane-schwitalla

Everyday is a battle for me/us (FW) in some form or another, so taking it one day at a time is key. 

It’s either the allover pain, that can just suddenly take your breath away…

or the need to get up and start your day, but your body just doesn’t feel like cooperating…

or of course the depression that sets in for some reason, and sometimes, for no reason at all…

or the need to get anything mentally challenging done, but your brain is on strike…

I could go on… no seriously, I could. And if you are one of my warriors reading this right now, I know you understand the struggles with living “life” one day at a time. There is no “making plans” in advance, because we have no idea how we’ll be feeling from one day to the next, so we miss out on so much, with our family, our friends. But I’m still fighting… fighting to live, fighting to laugh, fighting to love… and most of all, fighting to be heard! Hear me! I am not well, no, I’m not… but I am here, I am strong, and I am determined, to spread #FibromyalgiaAwareness and to retain the belief that we will find a cure someday! I am a 47 year old (48 on March 10th), purple haired, Fibro Warrior! 

And to those who don’t/wont’t/can’t understand us… They can love me, or hate me. This is me, and I don’t plan on changing any time soon!

You are my Fibro family, so remember… You are not alone! Love you guys ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’‹


You can find all things ‘FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal’ on our new Facebook page: @FIBROWarriorMNN, or contact us by email at: MJfibrowarrior@gmail.com From left to right: (me) MJ Aragon – podcast host/blogger/vlogger, Tony Jefferies and Jojo Myricks – my producers, and Christy Ortiz – my (occasional) co-host. 

Advertisements

Author: FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal

I'm MJ the purple haired FIBRO WARRIOR! I am a Podcast Host, Facebook Admin, Blogger and Vlogger for 'FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal' My crew and I are here to help spread Fibromyalgia Awareness. I have had Fibromyalgia since I was a teenager, if not earlier, so I have a lot to share and say on the subject. Pleases join me in this journey, by reading my blog or watching/listening to our podcast/vlog, which can be found on our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/FIBROWarriorMNN/ You are not alone! Love you all๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’‹

6 thoughts on “My Darkness…”

  1. I must let you know I was sent to a specialist In sports medicine to get a shot to help with an injured hip. My primary doc warned me to continually remind this doctor I was at her office to get the shot my primary wanted me to get. In casual conversation the specialists said, I see you are on disability, why is that? I said the first thing that popped into my head, “depression.” This was true but there were a myriad of diagnosis’ after my car accident in 1998 along with the depression. Never have I witnesses such sheer disgust from a doctor! She refused to give me the shot my primary had sent me for, she refused further treatment in her office referring me to physical therapy (unless I felt I was too depressed to go) she said her nurse would be in and left the room abruptly. I was shocked and embarrassed. I gathered my things and left that office. When I told my primary what had happened she was beyond angry! That very week she started taking courses to learn about Fibromyalgia. She has remained my primary for almost 15 years. So yes, depression carries a stigma, even in the specialty of sports medicine. -Kim

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Susan! Here is the post and podcast link, where I read your poem. I hope I did it justice… I was having a rough day mentally, Fibro fog at it finest. I stated my corrections in the post, forgive me for being just a lil less than on top of things that day.
      I hope all is well with you and yours.
      ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’‹ MJ

      ๐Ÿ’œHello Fibro Warriors, Here’s๐Ÿ’œ
      ‘ FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal’
      Episode #18 “Morgan Freeman and Fibro”

      Today I read a blog/poem by the lovely RhythminLife/Susan McMillan called “Summer”
      Now I must apologize, I was not very clear cognitively, and I didn’t check on some things like I normally would. Hence why you hear my trepidation when I come across Susan’s name at the end, I only knew her as Rhythm in life. I also need to clarify that she is a Cancer survivor, not a Fibro Warrior.
      I read a couple articles about interviews with Morgan Freeman, which touch on his Fibromyalgia and thoughts on Marijuana. We also discuss why you shouldn’t share the meme that’s been going around of him. As always, we do not edit anything out, as to “keep it real”, so you will hear my mispronunciations, misuse of words, stutters, an stumbles… It’s all in there, and today there’s no shortage, haha! We thank you for listening, liking, and sharing our weekly podcast, biweekly blog, and monthly vlog. The articles, meme quote and it’s actual origin are below.
      You are not alone! Loveyou all ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’‹MJ
      #FibromyalgiaAwareness

      90’s song: “Love Hurts”
      Written and performed by: MJ Aragon

      “Summer” poem by Rhythm in life

      http://wp.me/s84w5G-summer

      Morgan Freeman articles (2)

      http://www.prohealth.com/library/showarticle.cfm?libid=18432

      http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/05/06/morgan-freeman-shoots-straight-on-legalizing-marijuana-and-his-escape-from-new-york

      The meme quote, actual origin:

      http://thisismyfibro.blogspot.com/2013/12/my-oh-my-one-little-word-and-suddenly.html?m=1

      *Each week I will read/share a fellow warriors journey (anonymously if needed), or on occasion have a guest/call-in guest. If you would like to to submit your story for me to share, or would like to be a guest/call-in guest, please comment below or feel free to private message me, on my personal page or our FWmnn page. We really want people to share their journeys, it will make you feel good and it will help our listeners feel even more connected. We also have an email: MJfibrowarrior@gmail.com

      Listen to Fibrowarrior Episode #18 “Morgan Freeman And Fibro” by FibroWarrior-My New Normal #np on #SoundCloud

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s