Just checking in

*(Tue 2/13) Updates on my surgery/biopsy at the end of this blog šŸ’œ

Hello my warriors šŸ¦‹ I’m just checking in… 

These last few months have been stressful, to say the least. I’m getting closer to some answers/closure though. Thursday (Feb 8th), I had Doctor appointments as well as a pre-op at the hospital; upcoming Hysteroscopy, my 2nd Biopsy (For more info, I’ve provided a link: https://m.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/Hysteroscopy?IsMobileSet=true), which also included bloodwork, and then more bloodwork at Lab Corp for a different Doctor. Such fun (Insert sarcasm)!

Today (Fri) I had to get an ultrasound of my abdomen, and it was painful, thanks to my Allodynia (for more info: https://americanmigrainefoundation.org/understanding-migraine/allodynia-when-touch-hurts-but-shouldnt/). I’ d hoped to also get my MRI out of the way, but nope, not until Feb19th. My biopsy surgery is this Mon Feb 12th at noon, and I’ll be there for about 3hrs max they said. I guess I’m more stressed than I realized; because I broke down crying at my therapist’s office (Thurs) just out of the blue; it really caught me off guard. I checked my BP when I got home after everything, and it had spiked to 165/98; so I had to take my 2nd BP med. Even if my surgery goes well on Mon, I’ll still be anxious about my MRI. It’s to view my c-spine, due to a brain shear/injury from a car accident (double rearended 6-19-13) (for more info: https://www.brainline.org/video/understanding-nuances-shearing-injuries-brain), more on this later, once I get more information from the results. Just knowing I have a brain shear/injury (discovered Jan 8th) is weighing heavily on me. I’m trying to keep it together, so as to not worry anyone, but internalizing it isn’t doing me any favors; so I finally told My Love Bill (Fri, a month later). He was really quiet afterwards, so I just started talking about other things, to get his mind back on the comedy show he had later that night. We had a good night overall, but my pain kept increasing as the night progressed. My migraine was triggered from the loud music after the show, and my neck/shoulders/back became so tense, that I began to feel that burning sensation. 

I woke up today still feeling like crap, but I had to get ready for my final appointment of the week. It went smoothly, sort of, and I decided to grab a few things from the store on my way home. While there I ran into a friend of ours, talked for a bit, and during our conversation, I could feel some tightening in my chest; suddenly I felt nauseated, clammy, lightheaded… my migraine went from a minor annoyance, to full blown in an instant. Dammit! I had been in the store for way too long, seems the fluorescent lights did their dirty work again. Needless to say I went straight home afterwards, and I’ve been in horrible shape all night. My neck brace went on; to keep it immobile, hoping it would help take some pressure off, thus allow the migraine to lessen. I’m now at a 7, instead of a 10, progress…

My Love and I, before the pain took over that night.

My Love and I talked more about my worries tonight, and as always he was very supportive. I just hate adding this burden to his shoulders, because he already does so much for us. It’s so difficult to weigh what to share and what to hold on to at times, because we never want to overwhelm our loved ones. Often we hang on to more than any one person should, imagining that we can “Do it all on our own”… when we really can’t, nor should we! It’s ok to as for help. I even have to remind myself of this, clearly (sigh). I’m still working on this, and I’ve come a very long way, so there’s that. Keeping this struggle to myself was my life’s work, so when I began to open up about all of it, these last few years, it was extremely difficult. But as time has gone on, I realized that sharing helped others, hence why I do what l do today. You guys all help to keep me strong, by knowing that you count on me, and that I may count on you in return. My journey isn’t over yet! I’m sending big, yet gentle, hugs to each and everyone of you.
You’re not alone… and neither am I!

Love you all šŸ’œšŸ’‹ MJ

*(Tue 2/13) Latest surgery/biopsy updates:

Hello everyone! This was not a Hysterectomy, just a Hysteroscopy/biopsy, to find out if I have cancer first. The Dr performing my Hysterectomy will be pending on this biopsy surgeries findings. So it will be either my gyno, or an Oncologist. So we’re not done yet. I get my results on Feb 22nd šŸ’œ

*(Mon) Update: Everything went well. My hips were killing me from the position I was in during surgery. And of course my stomach is a bit achey, but I’m crazy drowsy most of all. Can barely keep my eyes open. Just getting some rest now, and My Love is taking good care of me. Love and hugs šŸ’ž
*(Mon) This morning: Heading to the hospital for my biopsy/surgery shortly. I just wanted to drop in and say, “Thank You, for all of your love and support! I love you all so much!” šŸ’œšŸ’‹MJ
FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal FB link:

https://www.facebook.com/FIBROWarriorMNN/

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FWmnn’s One Year Anniversary!

Celebrating our 1 Year Anniversary Today! 

We appreciate you all so very much for sticking by us, telling your friends, sharing the podcasts and blogs, as well as for just being the amazing Warriors that you are! Your love and support has been overwhelming, and we’re simply greatful to share it all with you. The list below includes the Season One Finale, and a behind the scenes FWmnn “Outtake: Why I love…”, so I hope you enjoy them. And remember,
              

You
are not aloneand neither am I!

Love
you all šŸ’œšŸ’‹ MJ Aragon

Tony
Jefferies and Jojo Myricks

FWmnn Outtake: A sneak peak into
why I love my producers. Enjoy! YouTube: https://youtu.be/bwdl_erPC2c

#FIBROWarriorMyNewNormal #FibromyalgiaAwareness #ChronicIllnessAwareness

FWmnn Outtake:A sneak peak into why I love my producers. Enjoy!  #YouTube:https://youtu.be/bwdl_erPC2c

Season One Finale S1E28 – “Rants and Raves” #YouTube: https://youtu.be/ubY4Oz4LoZI

S2E1 “What’s New for Season 2”
#YouTube: https://youtu.be/-NmHv4Hn2jY

S2E2 “Self Reflection”
#YouTube: https://youtu.be/zHhFhIJrLnE

S2E3 “PSA, Positivity, Lupus”(on YT next week) #SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/user-836634847/fibrowarrior-s2e3-psapositivitylupus

S2E4 “Possibilities, Concerns, Ideas”  (YT next week)
#SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/user-836634847/fibrowarrior-s2e4-possibilities-concernsideas

90’s song: “Love Hurts” Written and performed by: MJ Aragon 

Host/Blogger/Vlogger: MJ Aragon.      Producers: Jojo Myricks (Audio) and        Tony Jefferies/W.I.S.D.O.M, Ent. (Video)

*Each week I may read/share a FW’s journey, poem, blog; anonymously if needed, or on occasion have a guest/call-in. We love for people to share their journeys, it will make you feel good, and will help our listeners feel even more connected. If you would like to to submit your story for me to share, or would like to be a guest/call-in guest. You may private message me or send it our official email:  MJfibrowarrior@gmail.com

Here are My Thoughts…

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3197545/

I just read PMC, my friend Nicole shared with me recently. It’s sad that they only had a pool of six women to extract info and experiences from. And there was no mention of connected illnesses what so ever. Hmm…

I wish they (Dr’s/Scientists) would take time to find and understand the source/trauma. Heal us by effectively, searching our minds/bodies, instead if throwing medications at us for each and every symptom. This is only making things worse, and the meds are only a mere bandaid at best, while bringing along their own set of problems/side effects. Avoidance of things like processed foods, unhealthy environments; IE, stressful, abusive, chemical, as well as getting allergy testing, because eating and/or breathing in these things we’re allergic to, adds to our cognitive dysfunction, our weight gain, and our excessive lack of energy. I’ve found that all of our Fibro journeys begin with trauma, whether it be physical, emotional, sexual, chemical, or viral (all of these cause trauma to our bodies). So they need to find and go to the source, working their way forward, instead of this ass backwards method of pumping more meds down our throats, and telling us that we’ll feel better. We really don’t! And most of the time they are just masking the symptoms, treating them individually. Oh and don’t forget the meds they give us to combat the other meds side effects! Really! Are you aware, that there are some of us whom are on a multitude of meds, upwards of 29 that I’ve heard of? 29? That’s just insane! Now I can’t just tell my friends/followers, 

“Hey, you’re taking way too many meds! Why not get off of them and try a different route? One that means you can no longer eat whatever you want, so no processed foods = inexpensive, only organic = expensive; translating to even less money in your pocket, which is yet another sacrifice. And, that you will have to suffer a lil more first; only taking one or two meds now, which you will have to wean off of every so often and then back on, whenever they become less effective; to avoid an ever increasing dosage, before you will feel any improvement. That you will have to reopen old wounds (physical/mental), endure more poking/prodding of our brain, spine, etc., while all you really want to do, is continue to take your meds and eat your comfort foods, because thus far it’s your security blanket, and the only source of help (although minimal), that you’ve actually found some relief from. 

And Opiates, that’s a whole other issue! Let’s add a very real and possibly deadly addiction, to our ever growing list of ailments.” 

Yeah, no one wants to hear that from me, a non-medical educated podcaster/blogger. Aside from my own study of medical journals, google, and personal research questions, all I can do is suggest, and hope that what I talk about, will resonate with some of my listeners/followers. Because I can only speak from experience… my own, experiences. I still struggle as well, especially with depression, so it’s not like I’m some miracle worker, whom has found “the Cure.” I’m just one person, doing what I think is best, for my body. Still searching for the source of it all, although I have a very possible idea of it, and the hope that I will one day find an end to my pain… to all of our pain!

Ok, sorry for the rant. I’ve had an eventful day, while still dealing with my continually added health issues. More news today. But, I’m staying as positive as someone like us can be, and pushing forward. I’m finding it difficult to engage with anyone, on posts etc., lately. I just don’t have the energy. 
I wrote this on Mon 1/8, and I’m in even worse shape today. My BP is rising again, and I don’t need this stress. Staying healthy is hard work! Hugs šŸ¦‹ 

*PS – Theres further explanations in comments if you’re interested, as my dear friend Kim asked for a lil more insight.

You are not alone… and neither am I!

 Love you all šŸ’œšŸ’‹MJ

FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal, on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/FIBROWarriorMNN/

I’m BrOKen: Your Words carry weight, a PSA on Chronic illness and Depression/Suicide

Hello Fibro Warriors, please share, it would be truly appreciated! You may save a life, and that’s no small feat.

Here it Is! The secret project we’ve been working on. It’s a PSA on Chronic illness, Depression, and Suicide – ‘I’m BrOKen: Your words carry weight’

It’s the most needed time of year, for this message to be heard. So please, help me get this out, by sharing it with EVERYONE and EVERYWHERE! This has been a long time coming. Thank you all so much! šŸ¦‹

Because your words carry weight

You are not aloneand neither am I!

Love you all šŸ’œšŸ’‹MJ

#FIBROWarriorMyNewNormal
#ChronicIllnessAwareness
#DepressionAwareness
#SuicideAwareness
#FibromyalgiaAwareness

YouTube:

https://youtu.be/0ll-a1sVnwg

You may share the original post from my FB page
FIBRO Warrior, My New Normalhere šŸ‘‡

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1540040286074412&id=1261947853883658

My New Health “Friends”

Ok… so you all know how I remind you to “Love Yourselves First!”  Well, I have to remind myself of this as well at times. These pics are a collage made up of moments/experiences, that I have enjoyed, like my FWmnn podcasts/blogs/vlogs, acting/improv, ‘Tales with Nana MJ’, a lil Bday vaca to the Grand Canyon with My Love and his side of the family, my Rosy boa “Baby”, a trip Carlsbad beach with My Love, and of course precious time with my granddaughters. I’m thankful to have had these times, where I’m able to feel contented and happy. Here’s just some of those special moments over the last year. A lil bit of me all wrapped into one.

Just Me, Myself and I šŸ¦‹šŸ’œ

This past week (since Mon) had put me into a momentary tailspin. A lot going on… As I may have mentioned, I had to have a biopsy done on my uterus/ovaries recently. Now, I need another even more invasive biopsy done next month, because the last one came back as unusual, possibly pre-cancer. While there, we checked my BP 3Ɨ; once even manually, and additionally discovered that I have extremely high blood pressure, 170/110 – which is the high end of Hypertension stage 2, just below Hypertension crisis, which is 180/120 and extremely dangerous. I’m not far from that, as you can see, and in danger of a heart attack/stroke. So this has been a very stressful week, to say the least. I was handling all of the news, with that “smile” we have all learned to embrace, and my sweet Dr even commented on how well I was taking it all in. I said, “I have to smile, its what keeps me sane. If I dont, Ill cry!” She said she understood my thought process. She is very gracious and warm, with the sweetest most soothing voice; which definitely doesn’t hurt in these types of situations. She urged me to go directly to my GP; another Dr I’m so thankful to have, that truly listens and cares. But because of the holiday, they had closed the office at 3p. That was it, “The straw that broke the camels back!“, so to speak. I was holding it all together, until I wasn’t… The tears came rolling down my cheeks in an instant! Why!?! Another health issue? Don’t I have enough of them to deal with already? Funny thing about that… there is no quota! As we’ve all come to discover at some point, during this long ass journey, with an unending supply of surprises, and not the fun kind, that come with cake and ice cream, nope not that; it’s the kind that comes with more poking and proding.

Now being that Thanksgiving is in tow, everything is going to be closed, so I have to wait until the following Mon to address my newest friend; Hypertension stage 2. So what to do Now? This news didn’t exactly decrease my BP by any means. So after much contemplation, and talking with my bestie Kelly, we agreed that Xanax might be a good choice for now. She knows how I hate to take meds, but she was correct in suggesting it. So I’m taking half of a Xanax when I get up, and the other half at night, before bed. I had noticed the increasing BP over the last few months, but thought it may just be “White coat syndrome“, so I didn’t question it. I should have, in hindsight, because I’ve had on occassion, chest tightening, irregular heart rythym, and a couple moments where my heart felt like it tried to jump out of my chest; once while sleeping (that scared me a bit), and once while awake.

Only two more days now to see my GP, then hopefully, I’ll get my BP under control quickly, as I have a trip coming up. I’m going to see my sister, her hubby, my five nieces and nephews, and my bio dad (just found them all 6yrs ago, and dad has dementia), my bother in-law, my sis in-law, and my lil nephew; in Florida for a week, and then in Maryland; I’ll see my aunt’s, uncles, and cousins, whom I haven’t seen for many long years, so I’m way past due getting to see them. 

I’m anxious about being in airports… the plane ride, no problem, but the airports, ugh! But I’m staying focussed on the good stuff; being able to spend quality time with family, enjoying meaningful conversations with my many amazing fibro friends/family, and having an awesome man in my life. Im thankful for you all!

Youre not aloneand neither am I!

Love
you all šŸ’œšŸ’‹MJ

*I want to mention My Love Bill, whom is the reason I get to go on this wonderful trip. He takes care of me like no other. He is my rock, my world, my moon, and my stars! He’s going to forego this trip, to stay and work his butt off, to complete a goal he’s set for himself at work. Get that bonus baby, I believe in you! šŸ˜

My Love Bill and I šŸ’œ

My two sons, my two granddaughters, and my daughter in law šŸ’œ

Ever Changing

Me, when it all began…

I haven’t had a chance to really just LIVE. I’ve thought about my life constantly, trying to figure out how to navigate through it, with each thing I’ve endured. Abuse (molestation/emotional), obstacles, disappointments, losses, and of course, my illness. If I had known what was wrong with me long ago, from the beginning, things could have been different, I’m sure of that. Different good, who knows, but different none the less.

If I continued to look back, wishing that things could have turned out more positively, I would never enjoy anything. It’s been a long journey, but I’m learning to let the past stay where it is, little by little. That I cannot change it, or the people involved. I can only forgive, accept, and find peace within myself. I’m not saying things won’t crop up occasionally, of course they will and they do, but I can say that I am a better person for learning to let it all go.

This has taken me decades… I’m 48yrs old now, and I have no idea what kind of timeline I have left. I can only make the best of whatever it is, and appreciate it. Finding the good that’s still there, making amends whenever needed, and enjoying the little things even more. Realizing that you cannot change others, but you can change how you perceive them, and on occasion, that’s all you really need; just a new perspective.

I work hard on myself, my FWmnn, and my want to have good relationships; with my loved ones. On occasion I’m overwhelmed, distracted, and just simply too tired and in pain, but I still try to give it my best. In others eyes, that may not be enough, but we cannot count on them to react the way we’d like. That’s just not practical, or logical. None of us think or feel exactly alike, so expecting that from someone, is just a let down waiting to happen, I promise you.

So, all you can actually do is your BEST. That will have to be enough. Stop blaming yourself for everything. Each encounter you have, has one our more personalities envolved, and every outcome will be different. If you take that same conversation and replace just one personality, just one, then the outcome will never be the same. If you realize and accept this reasoning, you will find some relief, and even, some happiness.

You are responsible for youself. If you know you are doing the right thing, have the resolution to stand by your decisions. We are all imperfect beings, so we all make mistakes. Spend less time pointing fingers and more time on improving yourself. You will be a happier “You“, even if no one else changes. I can tell you this from experience.

Love yourself first! Yes, as selfish as that sounds, it is the right thing to do. Then everything else will eventually fall into place; seem brighter, easier, and much more pleasant.

*On a side note,
I had just attended my Palm Springs High School 30yr Class Reunion. I was excited, yet having some trepidation, thinking I may be too overwhelmed by it all. I think I’ve healed my mind and soul so much, that I had the confidence and courage to just be me. Needless to say, I enjoyed myself immensely. I had amazing conversations with old, as well as new friends; I made that night. My Love Bill and I went with Mona, my best friend from high school, whom I have remained friends with over all of these years. I was lucky to have her in my life then, and even now. Never an argument or disagreement between us, just friendship, love, and respect. We all enjoyed ourselves, and I’m so happy we went; although I’m paying for it still now. So damn tired and aching, but so worth it!

Enjoy life, in anyway you can. We’ll never know when our last day is near, until that moment comes. Make your existence count, even if it’s in the smallest of ways.

You are not alone… and neither am I!
Love you all šŸ’œšŸ’‹ MJ

FIBRO WARRIOR, My New Normal

https://www.facebook.com/FIBROWarriorMNN/

My Heart Aches…

I’m extremely sensitive to these tragedies, it breaks me down at times. This is one of those times…

This massacre was very close to home. Just a 3 1/2 hour drive for us, when we visit for a few days to just get away… 

My heart goes out to all of those impacted by this horrific tragedy. Friends, family, lives lost, many injured, both physically and mentally. Sunday was unnerving… heart wrenching. I watched it unfold from afar, as a friend reached out from Vegas for help, asking for info on the shooting from the outside looking in.

We fear,

The unknown.

Tragedy strikes,

Twisting, turning,

Hearts torn, 

Souls damaged.

Falling further,

Darker, deeper,

Into abyss.

Wake up,

Eyes opened,

Crimson tides,

Ever flowing.

Too much,

Too many,

Too often.

Enough! 

Daylight came, 

Darkness prevailed.

Yet…

There’s light,

Tiny reflections.

Our humanity,

Still within.

Hands, hearts,

Reaching, holding,

Reminding us,

There’s hope.

There is,

Still hope…

-MJ Aragon 

This is dedicated to my sweet friend Mary Kennedy. I’m here if you need me. My heart goes out to you šŸ’ž

You are not alone… and neither am I!

Love you all šŸ’œšŸ’‹MJ 

FIBRO WARRIORMy New Normal 

https://www.facebook.com/FIBROWarriorMNN/